REVIEW: “My Lesbian Enjoy With Loneliness”, or: red confessions of an embarrassing Japanese lesbian

REVIEW: “My Lesbian Enjoy With Loneliness”, or: red confessions of an embarrassing Japanese lesbian

Title: My Lesbian Knowledge About Loneliness

Author: Kabi Nagata

Review by: Captain Clo

Verdict: candid and honest, it relates to very hefty themes without being an angstfest. 5 movie stars

I’ve never read much yuri (feminine homoerotic manga) and I also had been extremely interested in this visual novel once I saw it; I happened to be fascinated because of the autobiographical angle, something We wouldn’t normally expect from the Japanese writer, specially a lesbian.

In addition didn’t expect the cutesy art style to cope with despair, crippling anxiety, self-harm, consuming problems, and committing suicide ideation, therefore BE WARNED: this visual novel is profoundly individual and quite natural often. The writer reflects about approximately a decade of her life, in the situation depicted on the cover: in the arms of a lesbian escort, inside a love hotel as she cycled between periods of depression and moments of personal epiphany, through a journey of self-discovery that lands her.

No matter what the name, this visual novel deals only in moving utilizing the author’s sexuality. Her finding of her very own choice comes at 28, nevertheless the story begins method before that, once the writer completed senior high school and dropped away from college after just half a year. Just exactly What occurred then, and just why did her life begin to crumble? There are a great number of reasons because of it, and Nagata informs all of it. Within the folds of her very own psyche that is hidden discovers many things she never dared to manage, such as for example a crippling want to please her moms and dads in the detriment of her very own delight, or a desire never to develop and being adored unconditionally, like a kid. Discovering her very own attraction for ladies is obviously the smallest amount of terrible epiphany for her; her real problem lies utilizing the conflict between her need to experience sex, along with her anxiety and inflated objectives regarding closeness. I happened to be really amazed that there is precisely zero lesbian angst about any of it — there was merely a moving guide by what her moms and dads might contemplate it, but she really gets over it very quickly, which is refreshing.

With that said, I don’t think this will be a developing tale. It’s more like a mental journey, a journal written for healing purposes. It extends more than a long time frame, so that the writer undergoes stages of depression and stages of personal success. Solutions for which she can’t also discover the energy to obtain up each morning, but there are some other times by which she takes proper care of by by herself and bathes that is everyday then gets far worse, and then recovers once more. There is absolutely no magical data data recovery from her despair, and that ongoing fight — as well as the cost from it — is amongst the numerous things i discovered real and relatable in this graphic novel. The connection regarding the author along with her sex and sex can also be unique and private, which increases the feeling of reading something truthful.

That said, there clearly was an extended scene specialized in the author’s decision to hire an escort that is lesbian. Her just just take about it is very ambivalent, that is suitable on her behalf character. She desires the ability, the “rite of passage” to be a grownup; but she’s got to battle most of the way along with her “other self” that is terrified of any such thing intimate, one thing “for grownups” and forbidden, something her parents certainly don’t wish live sex chat her to take into account… after which you have the feeling of worthlessness she fights with constantly, the sensation to be unlovable. But there is however additionally interest, plus the will to develop, plus the more basic, but believe it or not honest, want to touch an other woman and see just just what it feels as though to be held… And additional things besides. Nagata is in pretty bad shape and she understands it — and helps make the provided experience something profoundly going, but in addition funny.

Contrasted to more conventional manga, My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness has a fairly easy, very nearly sketch-like art design. This might be I think the style actually suits the story very well because it was originally a webcomic published on Pixiv, and so the author strived to publish regularly and forgo complexity in favour of quick updates; but. This visual novel is greatly introspective, with several panels aimed at illustrate the internal ideas for the writer. The straightforward and cutesy drawings assist to diffuse the heaviness of a number of the themes discussed. There is absolutely no gruesome, detail by detail depiction associated with the scars kept by self-harm, but there is nothing trivialized either. At the least it made the reading a more pleasant experience for me.